I have to admit something: I never get Christmas gifts for my kids’ teachers. In my defense, my husband Doug never does either. Just because I am the mom doesn’t mean it has to be me, right? But let’s face it, it almost always falls to the moms.
The Christmas Conundrum
So, I had dinner with some friends here in Connecticut a couple weeks ago, and the conversation turned to holiday shopping. There were four of us at the table when I confessed, and two were like,’You never get gifts for the teachers around Christmas?!’ They weren’t passing judgment, but they were surprised. For the record, my other friend, who is a working mom, said she doesn’t send her kids with anything either.
But it stuck in my craw that our kids are the only ones going to school without something, so I decided I needed to get some gifts. Initially, I thought about giving bath bombs – you know, those round balls that look like chalk that you throw into your tub to turn it into a soothing and fun kind of bubble bath. I had Abby order me the one that I found online, so I could try it first and make sure I was not giving something disgusting.
In the meantime, something else caught my eye that was also in the relaxation/self-care category. It was a little kit of bath soaks from a brand called 100 Senses (above). The soaks come in little test tubes like what you would see in a science lab and they had these labels on them for what to use when because the theme was “In Case of Stress.”
Like the bath bomb, I ordered a sample of that too and it turned out to be the winner. Abby ordered a few of them and had them packaged up beautifully. Everything was wrapped and ready for the kids to give to their teachers yesterday… until it all went awry.
What What Wrong
Doug and I split up to take the kids to school, and he left first with our daughter Yardley. She took a box and was on her way. Our sons Yates and Thatcher were still home with me when they asked me about the gifts. I told them about the test tubes, and Thatcher wanted to see what they looked like. So, I pulled up a picture on my phone (below).
I went on getting ready and, when I looked over at them, Thatcher, who is 11, had eyes like silver dollars. I’m like, “What’s wrong?” And Yates, who is 15, said, “Well, I certainly hope tube number two isn’t in the gift.” I’m like, “What’s in tube number two?” I take my phone back to look at the picture and tube number two reads – in big writing – “Get Naked.”
Oh, no! I can’t give this to 11 and 15 year old boys to take into their female teachers. I then took another look at the rest of the selection and realized it didn’t get much better. In addition to “Get Naked,” there was “Tranquilizer” and “Intoxicated.” It might as well have said:
Get naked, get drunk, and get drugged.
Merry Christmas!
– Yates, Yardley, and Thatcher
(For the record, there was also the more innocuous “Spirit Guide,” “Intrinsic,” and “Momento Mori,” which were the ones I remembered from my own set.)
Quick Save
It was too late to save Yardley at this point, but I knew I could still save the boys. They were such nice gifts and I was excited about them, so I wanted to try to salvage what I could. I took out a steak knife in an attempt to perform surgery on the packages without destroying the gift wrap. I figured I could replace the offensive ones with the innocuous ones from my own set. But alas, there was no way to open the boxes without ruining them.
I tried to convince Thatcher that it would be okay as is. He assured me it would not. So, we replaced the boys’ gifts with some candles. But I can report that Yardley’s teacher did get the special Brunt holiday message of, “Get naked, get drunk, and get drugged. Happy New Year!” I sent her a note to apologize, and she was a very, very good sport about it. She thought it was hysterical.
The moral of the story is: There are some things you have to admit you are not good at – especially when you are a working mom – and gift giving is on the list.
You can check out Megyn’s full analysis by tuning in to episode 971 on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. And don’t forget that you can catch The Megyn Kelly Show live on SiriusXM’s Triumph (channel 111) weekdays from 12pm to 2pm ET.